bliss break

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” - Ashley Smith
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after 69 posts

with 67 quotes

4 videos

and several song lyrics


with 58 public followers

anonymous and private followers (i hope)

several online and offline friends found

and that one great love =)


today, i turn a year and two days older

i am glad that i have spoken

and this i will say

lee will still continue on speaking...


cheers to a coming wonderful new year! =)

just a quickie

“I figure this is my time – to relax, be with my family and have a normal life.” – Candace Cameron
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it’s been a while since i’ve posted something here. and in the two weeks that i haven’t been reading, there are a lot that i’ve missed.

work caught up with me these past few weeks. i’ve experienced two hell weeks. and i’m glad it was over last christmas. yes, i worked early morning 'til late in the afternoon last december 25. it was a first. but tiring as the whole thing was, i was glad the activity for that day and the past weeks went quite well, despite some misses.

and i’m excited to get my well deserved rest starting tomorrow. it will be six days of full bliss =D

i’ve warned my staff, should they have concerns, they better not text or call me. or else, i’ll get them during renewal. lol

and i shall receive

“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.” – Pierre Corneille , Le Menteur
--------------------------------------------------------------

come monday, our office will be having a christmas party for all the department heads. and take note, it’s a breakfast christmas party. imagine that. :)

and what party wouldn’t be complete without an exchanging of christmas gifts?

so yesterday, my staff handed me a small piece of paper from the hr officer. it’s a paper to write down our wishlist with. 2 priority items.

i stared at it for a very long time.

it got me thinking. i really don’t know what gift i want to receive.

i was thinking of writing down a title of a book that my partner got to read a couple months back. but then, i thought, do i have the luxury of time to read a book? usually when i get home, i’m just too tired to even read a book.

or if i’m going to be pratical, maybe i could write that i would want to receive a signpen. It would really be useful since i sign tons of documents. but then, that would be a very boring gift to ask for.

how about food? chocolates? a shirt maybe? a planner would be nice. a good cd?

ugh! i’m just stressing too much with this wish list!

one thing i do want though. i just miss the taste of a very moist and delicious fruitcake. it’s been 2 years since i’ve had my favorite fruitcake. so, fruitcake it is! =D

one wish item down. one more to go. =)

sweet music

“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.” – Tom Sims
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happy, excited little caroller:

sa may bahay ang aming bati
merry christmas na mawal....

my mother to the caroller (in her usual masungit demeanor):

sa susunod ka na kumanta, malayo pa ang christmas.


hay, isn’t my mom the sweetest? that really cracked me up. lol

poor happy, excited little caroller. tsk tsk.

and she wasn’t the only victim that night.

giggles

“I love the rain. I want the feeling of it on my face.” – Katherine Mansfield
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it was a lazy sunday afternoon.

a rainy one actually.

the weather was perfect for sleeping.

cool and relaxing.

in the middle of my deep slumber.

a message alert from my phone.

i didn’t mind it.

i still wanted to sleep.

few minutes after, finally, i woke up.

read the message.

it was from you.


psst. wabyu.


it brought a smile to my face.

and yes, it made the afternoon even better.

hay... kilig =)



baby I really know by now
since we met that day
you showed me the way
i felt it then
you gave me love
i can't describe
how much I feel for you

- 98 degrees (because of you)

twelfth

“How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?” – Dr. Suess
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as of last count:

tons of official activities

5 parties

2 celebrations

2 baptisms

and an out of the ordinary way to end the year!

just loooooove this december!

=D

hermes/iris

“I'll teach you to jump on the wind's back, and away we go.” – Peter Pan
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we started off asking one question per day.

it was a game that eventually led us to get to know each other better.

but right now, it’s no longer just asking questions.

bits of our selves just freely show.

actions speak louder than words, as they say.

honestly, i am loving our journey to discovery.

and i look forward to revealing more of myself to you and you to me, as well.

to us, a happy 6th.



so paint me in your sunshine
walk with me, stay by my side
fill my head with stories
for love and war and glory

- marie digby (paint me in your sunshine)

service

"All good things which exist are the fruits of originality." – John Stuart Mill
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last week, i saw a note stuck on my car’s wind shield wiper.

on the note, an offer was written.

sir,

ako po si *******. kung kailangan nyo po ng driver,
pwede nyo akong tawagan.
0917-*******, 0919-*******.

he probably knows where i work and the position i hold.

it was quite amusing actually. it made me smile – widely.

but what really struck me was his ingenuity. it showed his determination. and to a certain degree, it showed his willingness to make himself useful and be of value.

and so, i kept the note.

maybe in the future.

DD

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” - C.S. Lewis
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i go back to march 8, 2010 at exactly 1:25 pm when i met a new found friend. it was an impulse actually when i said hi to him through ym. he was my first – first interactive blogger friend, that is. and he replied with a "? lol, how? :D", i was happy, humbled and, yes, even a bit starstruck.

he is someone i look up to. he writes with so much depth, so much emotion, so much insight. and getting to know him more personally was such a delight.

with him, i found a treasured friend.

a treasured maarte friend :p


for all the laughs

for all the kwento

for all the chismis

for all the hugs

for your friendship

thank you!


to the one who fell in love with a cyber-celebrity,

i don’t have anything to give to you

but my prayers to God

to always bless you

with more love

and happiness.

a happy, happy birthday to you, darc!

=)

pucker up

"Vanity is so secure in the heart of man that everyone wants to be admired: even I who write this, and you who read this." - Blaise Pascal
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okay, so here’s the thing. i am a certified lip balm addict.

i can’t leave home without one in my pocket. maybe it’s a fixation with always wanting to have soft and luscious lips all the time.

i have used several brands of lip balms. from the cheap ones to the very pricey ones. sticks, tubes and yes, even those roll-on types. flavored and bland. but, of course, i have never tried the ones with color.

right now, i’m using a lip balm that my partner gave me. well, technically i took it from him. it’s actually good. applies well and has that cool, minty feel to it.

but there’s this one specific lip balm product that was really perfection. i swear i had the softest, most smooth lips when i was using that product. too bad though they stopped selling it here a couple of years ago.

so, it was a delight when i found out from a friend, who’s now in japan, that she found the product there. of course, i asked her to buy some from me. syempre di pwedeng isang box lang pabili ko, i asked her to send me 1 box of lip moisturizer. hoarder-much? lol

i have to wait til december, though. but, it will be worth the wait, definitely.

right in time for my birthday and christmas! yipee! =)

grace

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right, wish right now" - B.O.B. feat. Hayley Williams (Airplanes)
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tomorrow i will see my friend cry.

tomorrow i will see her heart break just a little bit.

because tomorrow a love will become distant.


my close friend’s boyfriend will be leaving for canada tomorrow to work for a year. the confirmation to work abroad was, in a way, very sudden. he was informed just two weeks ago and got word to leave for tomorrow just last saturday.

though this has been planned, we all never thought that it would be this soon. all the while, we thought that they would be able to tie the knot before close friend’s boyfriend leaves. but, with this, they would have to wait until he gets back home next year.

close friend told me that though she has prepared herself a long time for this to happen, you will never be prepared enough when the moment arrives. every morning she tells me how she would stop herself from crying, but tears would just fall from her eyes. just last night, she texted me that she couldn’t stop crying.

i can feel her loneliness, her sadness.

but i always tell her, they would be able to get through this. one year is just a short time. the physical presence may not be there temporarily but the love will still be there. and besides, they have been in the same situation way back in 2006 during their first five months of their relationship. and, i know her boyfriend is loyal and loves her dearly. so, definitely there won’t be a problem.

still though, i know that the longingness would be unbearable.


tomorrow i will join my friend.

tomorrow i will witness as she hugs her boyfriend goodbye at the airport.

tomorrow i will see my friend cry.

but, i will be there.

a friend to comfort her.



"now the time has come to leave you
one more time let me kiss you
close your eyes i'll be on my way"

- john denver (leaving on a jet plane)

sacchariferous

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you.”
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you are my daily dose of happiness.

your simple yet thoughtful morning greetings get my day going.

the breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in between reminders, i always look forward to. because you know how much i love to eat.

and when my day gets rough, you’re always a willing ear to my rants.

the way you take care of me, indescribable and priceless. and, yes, you’re very good at it.

that’s why spoiling you is never a question.

and have i told you that hearing your voice always makes me smile?

that’s the reason why, at the end of everyday, i always look forward to talking to you on the phone.

we may be apart from each other, but, i have never felt distant from you.

you have made me feel that

you are just within reach

for a warm hug

a sweet kiss

and a whole lotta love

=)


you make me so excited
and i don't wanna fight it
i start to blush
you are my sugar rush
ain't nothing better baby
is it for real or maybe?
i start to blush
you are my sugar rush

- a*teens (sugar rush)

ache

"The one charm of the past is that it is the past." - Oscar Wilde (The Picture of Dorian Gray)
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sometimes knowing someone’s past is never a good thing.

you get to know them even more, yes.

but also you get to know the untold secrets.

find things you would have chosen not to discover.

and, it could be very hurtful at times.

i’m sorry.

i could not stop myself.

i peeked.

i just need time to take this all in.

little one

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” – Rajneesh
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last september 23, my younger sister gave birth to a very healthy baby girl. at 6 lbs. 13 oz., little baby gc is just a bundle of joy. her chubby cheeks, smooth skin and almond eyes are so irresistible.

she would be the very first-born on both sides of the family. so, you can just imagine the excitement of everyone. the lolas. the lolo. the titos and the titas.

her coming in to the world brought sheer happiness to everyone in the family, especially to my sister and her husband.

and it was really fun to see this one-week old baby unassumingly pose when i excitedly took pictures of her. a little smirk. a very serious look. a little twinkle in her eyes. a cute pout. i then thought to myself, "now this a little model in the making." when she’s older, i’d better teach her how to smize infront of the camera ;)

while she was sleeping, my younger sister shared a casual conversation between my friend, my mom and older sister. i was so engrossed with the sight of my niece sleeping that i never really paid much attention to what they were talking about. but, she said something that really caught my attention.

“ganun pala noh kapag nanganganak ka. while in the process, naiisip ko si mama and thought na ‘naku! inaaway-away ko si mama. pero ganito pala ang hirap na dinanaan niya nung ipinanganako niya ako’. i realize now the ordeal that mama went through for me.”

she said this with a proud smile on her face.

and i’m sure mama had a bigger and prouder smile on her face when my younger sister said that.

then, mama shared the very exact quote i’ve posted above. :)

zip

“An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind.” - Walter Bagehot
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maybe sometimes

i should learn

to switch off

the inquisitive in me

and just

shut

my

effin’

mouth

up.

hello birdie

“Virginity is a bubble in the froth of life - one prick and it's gone” - Anonymous
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i have this friend.

the barkada has been egging her to confess.

apparently, she’s still a virgin she says.

because that’s what she is telling us, so ok, i “believe” her.

just a week ago, she said that her boyfriend will now be leaving for canada to work.

and so, i kidded her.

“so, ibibigay mo na ba ang bandera mo sa kanya?”

of which she did not answer.

“o cge ganito na lang, nakita mo na ba dingdong nya?”

the answer that i got was that she got to see someone else’s accidentally. and besides, “it’s all the same”, she said.

of course, i reacted. “oh no dear! it comes in different shapes and sizes.”

and then, she just laughed and became silent.

to break the silence, i said, “gusto mo ako na lang tumingin for you?”


and have i mentioned that her boyfriend’s got big hands?

;)

the plan

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.” – Donald Miller
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i had everything planned.

i was to treat them to dinner. good food, light conversations and enjoy each other’s company.

then after, go somewhere intimate and quiet where we could continue talking just about anything. and slowly segue the very purpose of my invite.

i’ve rehearsed what i was supposed to say. i had everything carefully scripted. prepared answers to questions that might come up. even had lies prepared just in case there are certain questions that i might not yet be ready to reveal.

i was about to strip myself down and be true to two of my close friends.

so, why all this preparation?

i guess the very simple answer is, i had to do it. i needed to do it. i feel like if i don’t tell anyone, i might just burst and go crazy. i felt like that the emotion was eating me up. for quite a long time, i kept how i really feel to myself. but there came a point where i had to have an outlet. to just be me. to be free.

the plan was not all that perfect. it went through a couple of postponements. but, it happened all at the right time.

and i am glad i did. i came out.

first, to myself. then, to two friends i’ve considered very close to. to my co-workers and colleagues. to other PLUs (most of whom i’ve been able to get to know here). and to a few more friends.

it was a whole new discovery. i’ve become closer to my friends. uotten to know wonderful people. uncovered a whole new me.

and right now, i am preparing myself once again.

for the most important plan.

for my family.

soon.

point blank

“Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it." - Kathleen Casey Theisen
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lately, i have caught myself fondly saying “che” among close friends. all thanks to kuya darc. :p

a very close friend of mine noticed this and asked me not do it because she is not used to hearing me say something “gay”. all in a nice way, of course. it’s what keeps me different, she said.

suddenly, i remembered an im conversation we had a couple months back.

i remember asking her how she would feel if i’ll introduce my would-be-boyfriend (and at that time imaginary) to her. i’ve noticed that she somehow feels uneasy whenever i start up a conversation that pertains to me being gay.

all she said was she would be really happy for me but it would not be something she would be totally comfortable with. because “... it’s not within my values and morals...”.

that made me really sad. i never expected to hear that from her. but in all fairness to her, i admire her honesty. it made me appreciate her more as my friend.

i’m just hoping that someday when i ask her the same question again, it will be the answer that i would love to hear.

message to the magicians

“A sly rogue is often in good dress” – Anonymous
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how dare you?!

how dare you belittle me.

i may be meek and quiet but i am not dumb as you may think i am.

i may look naive and innocent.

but believe me, i know a lot.

just you wait.

this silent volcano will spew burning lava that will scald you down!

don’t you underestimate me.

i am observing.

i am thinking.

i am plotting.

silently.

like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

the twin pt. 2

“Soulmates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.” – Author Unknown
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and i always thank the heavens

that we found each other.

:)


“i’m so glad i found you
i love being around you
you make it easy
it’s as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
there’s only one thing to do
three words
for you”

-1234 (plain white t's)

bounty

"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." - Robert Frost
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it’s that time of the year again.

that distinct stench will once again reign the city.

at every corner of every street.

those noticeable thorny shells piled up.

people flocking.

enjoying and feasting.

it’s durian season again!



i am a proud dabawenyo. but, if there’s one thing un-dabawenyo about me is that i never really liked durian.

the mushy texture. the bitter taste. and oh did i mention the smell?! ack!

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the presence of fruits (not just durian) in the city signals the kadayawan festival. celebrated every third week of august, the kadayawan festival is a thanksgiving to the gods for the bountiful harvest that the city has received. the kadayawan festival also recognizes the contribution of the city's 10 indigenous tribe in the preservation of the city’s cultural heritage and synergizing the indigenous traditions with the modern society. it is a time when the multi-culturalism that makes davao city a melting pot of different ethnic background is best highlighted.

this year, the kadayawan festival will be held from august 16 – 22, 2010. it also coincides with the indigenous people’s day, which falls every third Friday of august.

which also means, august 20 is a holiday in davao! yippee!

@_@

"Battle is an orgy of disorder." - George S. Patton
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lunchtime.


a child of history.

a kikay celebrity in the limelight.

a meek and mild errand boy.


eradicate connections.

own pool of council.

verify loyalties.

a snake pit.


heart pumping.

space out.

blank.


over japanese food.


heart still pumping.

what have i gotten myself into?

i did not sign up for this.

branding

“Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.” - Epictetus
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how many times do we get to have first impressions?

i’d say in this world, more than once. in my experience, about twice or thrice.

when i started blog reading last year, i have always had a sort of mental image of how bloggers look and how they are in real life. that’s mostly based on what and how they write. sometimes i base it on their profile image. i pictured one as being short, stocky and witty. the other one tall, athletic and serious. another matured, wise and geeky looking. or maybe lanky and sarcastic. sometimes i let my imagination run wild on how i think they would be like in person.

but then, when i started writing and had the courage to connect with some of the bloggers i’ve met here, these impressions changed. from im, text and phone calls. perceptions of people actually change once the interaction with them gets, well, interactive. the way they speak, the sound and tone of their voices change the impression that i had when i was only reading them.

the most interesting part though is when i actually got to personally meet some of the people i’ve come to know here. i realized how different they are from their online personas. different in a sense that i got to see a larger part of their personality and their being. and it’s nice to say that some i got to keep as friends, offline. which is good actually because the very reason i started writing here was not only to express my thoughts, but also, to expand my network of people.

so far, despite the different and changing first impressions i’ve had with the people here, i could say all of these were good. people here are a wonderful mix. some quirky, some typical but all are amazing.

in bloom

"Intense love does not measure, it just gives." - Mother Teresa
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twelve long, white ones. neatly wrapped by a pink paper. covered in clear plastic. and finally tied together with a pink ribbon.

the card placed on top of it was the icing of it all.

written inside of it, that oh so wonderful song.

i couldn’t help myself but smile after reading, well singing, it.

i called to say thank you for the wonderful surprise.

but what i didn’t tell you was what made it more special, more meaningful.

i have never ever received any flowers from anyone. never.

you are the first.

and when i got home and was all alone in my room.

i took the long box that carried the flowers and card inside of it.

held it close to my body.

closed my eyes.

and swayed to the imaginary melody of that very same song written in the card.

thinking how lucky i am to be loved by someone so sweet, someone so caring and someone so special.

and i smile =)

1 more day to go.

to us, happy 2nd...

seeing red

"There's nothing wrong with anger provided you use it constructively." - Wayne Dyer
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who the hell do you think you are?!

wa koy labot kung mapasmo ka ug ang imong pamilya!

dili obligasyon sa among opisina nga pakaonon mo. mao gani nga naa ka dra sa imong ginatrabahuan para buhion nimo imong pamilya. baga jud kag face bah!

kung ginatolerate ka tungana, well, karon magdusa ka!

the more that you are sending me those paconsensya text messages, the more i will ignore you.

and i really don’t care that you’re working in that specific field.

remember, you are responsible for putting food in your family’s table. not ours! my god! to think you are an able-bodied person. you should work hard and not just wait to be given goods every month.

there are other less fortunate people more deserving of the help that we extend than you do.

take full responsibility of your life. don’t depend so much on other people.

wa koy labot nimo!

the sheer frustration on these kinds of people, ugh!

lighter and better

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." - Phyllis Diller
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the past days were so overwhelming to the point that i broke down the other day.

but then i realized, things will just fall into place soon.

so, i took things one at a time and everything seemed to turn out well.

and then, a text message from you came.

happy words telling a story about something we both love.

and that made me smile even more.

made my day a whole lot better.

aaaahhhh... the pleasures of having someone special. =)

of sickness, celebrities and a friend

“Steady as a clock, busy as a bee, and cheerful as a cricket” – Martha Washington
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

two days into the new work, i got sick. flu, cough and all. hay. i must have been overwhelmed with the bulk of work. or it could also be from all the dust as we were cleaning the new office. 2 more weeks of this before the new office will all be settled.

------------------------------------

saw a couple of celebrities yesterday. drew arellano is really gwapo but he's quite short. Smooth skin, nice smile, wonderful body. Aaahhhh to die for. ;))

got to see lady gagita and haronce in the flesh. i never thought lady gagita would be really tall. Around 5’9” or 5'10". they were donning their trademark outfits they used in the telephone parody. and it was really nice to see once again jinky vidal and tat suzara of freestyle. it's been a while since i've seen them :). they were interviewed for drew’s tv show in qtv. so proud to see fellow dabawenyos getting recognized.

------------------------------------

a simple and heartfelt greeting for an extraordinary person. a happy, happy birthday, geek! =)

moving out

"Room service? Send up a larger room." – Groucho Marx
------------------------------------------------------------------------

june 29. last of our moving out days since saturday.

the big boss, me and my staff has formally left our office a couple hours back. we will be moving on to a bigger office to take on another greater challenge and task. an intimidating thought actually. and i'm starting to get nervous thinking about the day when we will finally move in to the new office.

for the past couple of years, our office has been the witness to the growth and camaraderie that everyone has formed and been through. the laughters. the breakfast parties. the food bingeing. the chismiss. the heavy workload. the midnight overtimes. and a little bit of misunderstanding (which has been addressed immediately).

in the last two years that i’ve been with the office, i was able to become a better individual. realized potentials i never thought i had. done good things i never thought i could do. and discovered things – both admiring and despising, that helped mold better principles.

i never thought that i would last this long working in our office. i never thought i’d be capable of doing the job and responsibility that i’ve held for the past years. my patience was tested and my desire to stay on was questioned. but yet, with the encouragement that i got from my staff, the work colleagues and even from my boss, i’ve managed to stay and be still of service. and with flying colors to that. :)

as i left the office today, i still have doubts if we can take on the challenge that awaits ahead of us. i am optimistic though. we have managed to do well in past years and i think we can surpass that and become even better in our delivery of service. especially since we are being led by a good big boss. one with a genuine heart for service.

our office may now be empty with people and fixtures but we left it with wonderful and good memories that we will always remember.

and now, we are ready to fill another space - a bigger one- with more memories in the coming years. :)

tattoed on my mind

“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” – Mark Twain
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

your words.

your voice.

the non-sense conversations.

the sensible ones.

that warm embrace when we first met.

the first time our hands touched.

my soft kisses.

your intense kisses.

that wonderful feeling as we hugged and cuddled each other.

that sensual moment when our bodies are close to each other as we showered together. lips locked tight. drops of water trickling every inch of our bodies.

our “sleeping” moments.

your eyes.

your smile.

your body.

you.

and i smile.

:)


thing about you is you know just how to get me
you talk about us like there's no end in sight
the thing about me is that i really want to let you
open that door and walk into my life

- say it again, marie digby

an unexpected call

"I believe in Karma. If the good is sown, the good is collected. When positive things are made, that returns well." - Yannick Noah
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sunday.

three missed calls.

unregistered number.

i did not mind who it was. but i had a feeling who.

lunchtime.

i just couldn’t hold back.

i had to ask.

“good day! sorry i missed your call. may i know who this is pls? thanks.”

a few exchanges of texts, a call came.

confirmed. it was the ex who was calling.

after a couple of pleasantries (duh?), he asked if i was still available or if i was already taken.

he just got the timing wrong.

i am at a place right now where i am happy. really really happy.

but what got me ticked was what he said to me.

“hindi ka na talaga makapaghintay no?”

the conio in me surfaced.

“oh my god! so you’re like blaming me for everything that has happened?!”

i just let out a chuckle. but that got me really pissed.

i wanted to lash out on him. i wanted to tell him how hurt i was with what he did to me. leaving me out in the cold with no clue as to what happened to us.

but i did not. no need for that. i got my closure a long time ago.

shit ka!

the bench

“For me, I sort of felt like it was kind of a fairytale... but an interesting one. I don't know of anybody who has had a romance quite like this, but I certainly know people who have stuck it out.” – Ryan Gosling
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i have been sitting, waiting, looking and searching for so long.

many passed.

only few attempted to sit down and talk with me.

to get to know me.

to be with me.

all left.

i never got tired of this.

well... almost.

but, you came right in time before i got up and left the lonely bench.


thank you

for sitting down

and staying

with me.

=)

touching

“Charity is a virtue of the heart, and not of the hands.” – Joseph Addison
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being in the field of social services, i am fortunate to see different facets of different people.

just today, i attended a charity event in a nursing/housing facility for cancer-stricken children. the place provides an opportunity for less-privileged families from far areas of the city for a place to stay in while the children are in the process of treatment. the place, just behind the city’s government hospital building, is not really grand. it’s a small house enough to accommodate about 20 to 30 people.

it is quite humbling to see young children trying to survive such difficult struggles. seeing young children with different medical conditions is not new to me as i witness these kinds of cases on an almost everyday basis. but seeing this group of children is in a way haunting. from what i’ve learned, almost half are cases of leukemia. i saw children as young as one year old being treated to live and fight for a better life.

ironic though that almost all the children – bald and thin, still play around with so much zest and excitement like any other normal child. somewhat oblivious about their medical condition.

but what really touched me was seeing the joy in the children’s faces, as well as their parents, when they received donations and loot bags from the charity event donors. these are people who have little to no resources to finance such expensive condition. even simple stuff such as the school supplies, i know, will greatly ease up the financial burden that their families are experiencing.

and when i left the facility, i smiled knowing that these children have the chance to live and experience what life has to offer.

out of the blue

“The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.” – Eli Khamarov
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the week that passed was probably the best that i’ve had.

everyday brought a new surprise.

a very very good news from work.

laugh trip and bonding time with friends.

an unexpected all expense-paid trip to HK.

but, nothing beats the most spontaneous, special and fantastic surprise that i got last monday.

and i still can't stop smiling thinking about it. =)

fiery

"My heart beat so hard when I was near him, I feared he could hear my secret longing for him." – Destiny Vaestus
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i dreamt of you last night.

you did, what to me, was the most unexpected.

you beckoned me to come closer to you.

i obliged.

then, we shared a long, passionate kiss.

sparks were flying all over.

like the ones we see in the movies.

just the way i imagined it to be.

it started very slow.

and then, the passion grew as we explored the softness of each other’s lips.

heavy breaths, warm sweat.

as slowly, our tongues invaded each other’s mouth.

i did not want it to stop.

i, no we, wanted it to last forever.

as the intensity died down, we adored each other with light kisses.

i didn’t want it to end.

but, i had to wake up.

it was just a dream after all.

as i woke up this morning, i wondered.

"why is my upper lip all so swollen?" =D

just a thought

"We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.” - Fydor Dostoevsky
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how can someone with so much love to give be caught in a situation that is less than what is ideal?

when every feeling and every emotion seems right, but the fact remains that it is not. perfect as it may seem, but in reality it is not. and no matter what you do, you are still at the losing end.

when it is hard to let go of the feeling and do what is deemed to be the right thing to do.

yes, relish the moment, the emotion, the feeling that you are experiencing now. but, always remember and realize that in the end you are the one who will get hurt bigtime. i hope that you wake up at the right time before this dream turns into a nightmare. i know i may not be in the position to tell you this, but just keep that in mind. :)

there are others out there who will be worth all the love that you can give. and who can give you the same love that you deserve. without the complications.

you are a special person and you deserve someone more special than what you have right now. :)

dakong pasalamat

karong adlawa nakab-ot ang ginahandum.

ang dakong pasalamat sa katawhan nga naghatag sa ilang pagsalig.

sinugdan na gyud kini sa mas dakong responsibilidad.

paningkamutan nga mapadayon ug mapasundayag ang mas malampusong pagpenerbisyo alang sa kaayuhan sa tibuok katawhan.

super great day

"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering." - Steven Wright
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saturday was such an enjoyable day for me.

i had a blast and fun time with the barkada. it has since been a while that the barkada is complete (sans those in the overseas) for some good time relaxation. we enjoyed the summer's warm breeze at a beach resort somewhere in talicud island in samal.

the whole summer get-together got through several postponements and almost did not happen at all. good thing everybody agreed to free their schedules on labor day. all in all, it was fun and an adventure to some extent. had a blast spending time again with friends. it was fun, fun and super fun.

but what made it more fun for me was because my crushie barkada friend was there to spend some good quality fun with us. he has been my ultimate crush ever since college. i sometimes find myself staring at and swoon over him every time i see him.

and believe me, i think i sensed some chemistry between the two of us last saturday. he sat beside me all throughout lunchtime and when we were having merienda in the afternoon. i swear there was tension. there were a little bit of brushing of the skin and a little bit of eye teasing, as well. it was as if he was trying to say something to me. ;) there were several times when his face was literally so close to my face when he is trying to reach for food on the table. i was so tempted to grab him and hold him so close to me. but, of course, i had to stop myself.

and the climax of it all was when we got back to davao later that night. the barkada decided to have dinner together. i was running short of cash and had to withdraw money from the atm. good thing crushie had his motorcycle with him and offered to take me to the nearest atm.

the whole motorcycle ride was like a dream sequence out of a romantic movie. with me gently wrapping my arms around his waist with our bodies so close to each other. just me and him together. and me whispering to his ear “take me wherever you go...”.

of course, that didn’t happen though. i was just hanging on to his shoulders during the whole ride. nothing special. i was actually daydreaming the whole time.

but nah, i’m just putting malice on nothing really. the guy’s just really naturally sweet. that's the reason why most of our girl friends really like him. but, it’s fun though na lagyan ng malisya ang mga bagay-bagay na dapat walang malisya. :D adds fun to my boring life.

and plus, guy crushie friend is straight.

or so he says.

hmmmmm... =)

let loose

"Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?" - Greta Garbo
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the longing for someone to hold, for someone to hug in the cold but lonely nights has been creeping in.

but, in the past two nights, you have been my constant companion as i doze off to a restful sleep.

in a bed fit for one, we’ve managed to snug perfectly together.

we lay closely to each other. relishing the silence and stillness of the night.

that warm, cozy feeling i so have missed.

you allowed me to engulf you with my sweet embrace. my soft caress. and even my light kisses.

you let me lie down on your soft yet at the same time firm body as slumber whisks me off to a wonderful dream.

you lay still and allow me to hug you oh so much tighter at times when i wake up in the middle of the night.

and i smile.

as i wake up, never once did you leave by my side. still waiting to be cuddled and held much closer to my body.

again, i smile as i see you still there, so close to me.

and this will be our third night.

for tonight, i will sleep beside as you will also sleep beside me once more.

if only...

if only, you were not some lifeless pillow

that can never hold

and hug me back

ever.

happiness!

"Nobody has the right to wreck your day, let alone your life. And guess what? Nobody does, you do..." - Gary Fenchuk
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for some weird reason, when i woke up this morning i felt really happy. it’s as if everything is in its proper place and order already.

i think i have found my peace. :)

lately, my mind has been really pre-occupied with a lot things.

but, i realized that, yes, things are good. really, really good.

with work, with people around me, and of course with me.

despite stress and work pressure, i caught myself smiling several times today. even giggling at times.

so yeah, i'm just happy for no apparent reason. never felt any better. =D

it has been a while since i have had this kind of feeling.

so this afternoon, i’ll walk to our family’s office with my trusted ipod on my ear and strut the streets to my feel good song on loop.

cue: PATRON TEQUILA!!!

the twin

“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined ... to strengthen each other ... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” - George Eliot
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i will find you as you will also find me. =)


someone is waiting.
someone who understands exactly how you feel.
someone is dreaming.
someone is hoping just that this will be the day
that you take your eyes off the ground out of the blue,
and see that someone is looking right back at you.
i hope that someone's me.

-someone somewhere (jason reeves)

not always the best policy

"There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously." - Thomas Sowell
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honesty, they say, is one of the most esteemed virtues one person may have.

i could say, in more ways, honesty and i have really acquainted quite well. i'd like to believe it is one of my strengths.

but, most definitely, it is also one of my weaknesses.

in the past couple of days, i experienced how honesty can be such a bitch and how just keeping my mouth shut would have been better. my mouth has, for most of the time, blurtted out stuff faster than my brain could say “stop!”.

i regret having told what was in my mind and what was in mt heart. i regret being honest. too honest.

as they say, “certain things are better left unsaid”.

i wish i could have shoved my fist inside my mouth to stop me from blabbering and spilling out what has been bugging me during those times. i wish that i could have thought things through first before opening my mouth. and this is such a big slap on the face for someone who usually overthink things. it’s kind of ironic, actually.

i wear my heart on my sleeves. always. i, more often than not, express what i feel. i can’t stand holding back and not telling. that’s who i am.

i really think maybe i just need to learn to stop, to analyze and to just keep my f@#*ing mouth shut when i have to.

honesty they say is a very admiring virtue. but this time, because of honesty, i got myself in trouble and in pain. because of honesty, i have hurt someone. because of honesty, it got me thinking, overthinking once again, even more. honesty is really not that admirable... at the moment.

i am hoping that, the next time, honesty will be on my side again.

i guess, honesty, you’ll just have to take a back seat... for now.

letters and stuff

"I enjoy the cleaning up - something about the getting of things in order for winter - making the garden secure - a battening down of hatches perhaps... It just feels right." - David Hobson
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a boy can dream...

especially on his birthday

...to be a man with responsibility... so take care of the damn smelly cat!!!

dear lee,

hi! today is a special day for you... ilang taon ka na nga?! 30?! wow!! you don’t look your age... or maybe it’s just the down-aging syndrome?!

seriously now, i wish you all the goodness in this world and a little sprinkler of those nerve wracking phenomenon that life brings – for without those, life would seem to be useless. meaning, i wish you all the best and at the same time i wish you all the shitty crap, so that you may learn life through all its fabulous adventure... just like POOH... you know... that simpleminded-kuno-stupid-pala-bear!

always,
lynn
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i found this self-made birthday greeting card last saturday when i was doing some cleaning in my room. it was given to me by a barkada-friend during my 20th birthday, i think. this really got me smiling. brought back wonderful memories of days that was.

what made me smile even more were the other letters i found given to me by friends from high school and college that i’ve managed to keep. small notes written in special paper. birthday tags. greeting cards. one even written in a 1 x 1 piece of wrapping paper.

just non-sense stuff really. all happy and written with so much youthfulness. but all special =D

i also got to reread letters sent to me by penpals from across the globe. i was a big fan of that penpal service, international youth service (IYS), way back high school. i never got to get in touch with any of them though after a couple of correspondence.

i was trying to look for love letters. but got nothing. which reminds me, love life was non-existent at that time. =D

amazingly, i also found out that i was still able to keep my school IDs since i was in grade 6 'til fourth year high school. the only one missing was my 1st year ID card. why and how i managed to keep them, i don’t know. i literally saw how i changed from a chubby faced little boy to a lanky young man. i realized how siopao i so looked when i was in grade school.

and my one and only college ID (with staples in all four corners to keep it from falling apart) i also got to keep. we’re supposed to surrender it after graduation for us to get our honorable dismissal certificate. but i managed to keep both :D

i also found ballpens that i’ve used during high school and college. an autograph book. an intentionally grammatically-wrong article written by myself and a high school classmate. college papers and articles. journals from all the retreats during college. test papers even. everything carefully organized.

all of these put a smile on my face. it always nice to look back.

i really don’t know why i still keep them.

it will take me a longer time before i’ll be able to let go of these stuff. because throwing these things away would also mean letting go of memories that made me happy before.

so, i think, for now, these will still be kept in a safe place. carefully placed and tucked inside that clear plastic container.

waiting to be read and reminisced once again in the next room cleaning. :)

foodie

“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” — Virginia Woolf
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i am an emotional eater.

i eat when i’m happy, sad, depressed, stressed out, excited, bored or angry. to sum it up, i just eat. =) good thing i don’t get fat easily. fast metabolism, probably.

nothing beats a plain mcdo sundae to cool down the pressure from work. or the sweetness from a gooey brownie to soothe an aching heart. or even just nibbling on some cornicks to keep you busy on a very lazy day. or sipping a nice and warm sinigang on a happy, rainy sunday evening. aaaahhhh, the sheer bliss. =D

at the office, my staff would instinctively know when i’m furious. and they get all excited and happy whenever this happens. because they know that they’d be able to have and enjoy a good merienda with my fix of some good-ole mouth and tummy therapy to calm me down. also, my office drawer is never without any knick-knacks. i always have a secret stash of munching delight as my emergency relief.

i used to have a stock of oreo and chocolate chip cookies inside my room. i munch one of each cookie while watching a favourite television show. but, i had to cut down on that. family history of that “too much sweets” disease.

just yesterday evening, i had another food session with friends to soothe, let’s just say, a sad and guilty heart. a serving of seafoods pasta and two slices of seafoods pizza. i didn’t even care that i ate a lot considering it’s the holy week and the need to fast and all. i just wanted to eat.

a friend was quite impressed at how i’m still able to eat that much food at such a depressed state. but what can i say, food is my best friend during this kind of time. eating has always been a coping mechanism for me. an upper, mostly.

but, bingeing and stuffing myself with food is just a temporary fix.

having to talk to YOU was far better. truly, thank you.

thinking thoughts

"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" - Winnie the Pooh
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i know i shouldn’t.

but i am doing it again.

i am overthinking. way too much.

i try to make solutions on problems that have not even come up yet. i think so much of what will happen, how it will affect me and the people i am close to.

a friend told me to let loose and be spontaneous again. traits that i have missed for such a long time now. i think i need to be reintroduced to them once again.

this goes to show that i have indeed changed. gone are the days of being carefree. i now have build walls and guard myself so much that i tend to forget to enjoy the pleasure of being in the present. Being in the “NOW”.

though i can say that i am happy right now. very much happy actually. but i worry how long this happiness will last. i worry about the circumstances that will cut short this happiness that i am experiencing now. i worry about the decisions that i will have to make and point me on the direction in keeping this happy feeling going. i worry about hurting myself. hurting other people. and to think, i have always considered myself an optimistic person. and here i am, worrying about practically (and technically) nothing.

i think about the “what ifs?” and all the possible outcomes. i try to think of all the scenarios that may happen and how i can make things better. and to think, this is just all in my mind. i am deliberating... all by myself.

decisions. decisions. decisions.

here i go again, overthinking.

para sa kaugmaon

nanghinaot nga unta makab-ot ang ginahandum.

aron mapadayon ang pag-uswag alang sa kaayuhan sa tanan.

kay karon na ang sinugdanan.

breather

"I never got tired of Tom and Jerry, but I did have a dream of doing more with my life than making cartoons".- Joseph Barbera
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over the weekend, i realized i am at the wrong job.

ironically, i came upon this realization when a couple of work friends and i are enjoying ourselves in the beach.

for the past two years, i have been working for someone.

i have lost my identity. i am merely a shadow of the person i am working for. i feel like i no longer exist. everything i do will always be in consideration for my boss. my accomplishments and achievements is credited to her. my failures would mean a poor reflection on her. everything will be about her and will never be about me.

i’m not ungrateful of the opportunity to be working for my boss. in fact i am extremely honored to be working for someone who has a great vision and a pure heart. i have grown and matured so much since i have started working for her.

i have never really imagined doing what i am doing right now. up until now, i could not believe that i was chosen to do this job. there are other better and competent people out there who could do my job better than i do.

but, i must have done something right and must be doing good that i am entrusted with such great responsibility. and i have always felt that my boss has so much confidence in me.

everyday, i am bombarded with issues, concerns and problems of other people. i can no longer bear the pain, and sometimes frustration, at seeing people cry in front of you, not knowing whether they are genuine or not. i am tired of carrying other people’s burden.

i think i am close to mastering the art of judging other people’s character. it is a must in this field of work. manipulation and deceit are an everyday game that a lot of people i encounter with play.

work is easy actually, if you think of it. it is just a matter of doing it right. but in my line of work, it is never easy. there is so much to consider. there are people who will put you down. not just within the workplace. even the people who you arere trying to help and have helped. there are a lot of ungrateful people. the moment you do not heed their requests, they turn their backs on you. and, this i cannot take at an almost everyday basis. this makes work so much stressful even if it is easy.

it is easy to say to quit the job. but it is not. i have grown to love my boss because i truly believe in her and what she can do. this makes thinking of quitting so much harder.

i guess, i just need to hold on then. i might just be overwhelmed right now with everything that is happening.

i just have to remember the good things that we have done and the joy that we have brought to the lives of people that we have helped out.

and this will be enough to keep me going...

...for the moment.

on being missed

"You will be as much value to others as you have been to yourself." – Marco T. Cicero
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it has been a while since i have felt this way.

you put a smile on my face when you said you missed me.

it made me feel important. that i am worth someone’s attention.

indeed, it was a sweet gesture.

as i told you, i’ve always felt that i’m a very forgettable person. people just don't remember me, they forget about me. but right now, you made me feel otherwise.

sincerely, thank you for making me feel this way once again.

and yes, i missed you too.

new people

“I want to keep meeting new people, enlarging my circle of friends. I have great friends now... really good people. But I'm always ready for what comes next.” – Paula Danziger
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thank god for new friends.

i made an effort to reach out. there were some slight hesitations and very careful thinking. but, it was all worth it.

it’s nice to get to know the people behind the posts that i read everyday. though still it’s virtual, at least there’s more interaction.

i have always told myself last year that i needed new people in my life. it’s not that i’m not grateful with the friends that i have. but sometimes, connecting with new people renews and refreshes oneself. You get to expand your beliefs, notions and impressions on a lot of things. for me, new people adds more life to life.

it’s a nice feeling really.

and the new friends made me feel that.

though there are a couple that i added up but haven’t had the chance to talk to yet. bear with me, i’m still summing up my courage and make the first move. i am never really good at making introductions.

and thank you to the new friends who opened up and welcomed me. it is a pleasure knowing you. and i am hoping to get to know you more.

to say, i am glad that i made that bold move of saying “hello :)” and offer my hand for friendship.

time well-spent

"A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be." – Douglas Pagels
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earlier, i met up with some of my college barkadas. after months of not being able to talk or to connect with them in any way, i was glad to see them again.

originally, only three of them planned of seeing each other. but, one barkada saw another barkada so she invited her. while i was invited by another barkada. so, it was five of us in a new and small pizza house somewhere downtown.

we used to be a big group. around ten plus the adopted barkada members. most are girls with only three guys in the group (which includes me =D).

but, after college, we lived different lives. some got relocated because of work. some met new people. and one specific barkada member just simply got lost of our radar. but, we have managed to meet each other at least once a year during our traditional barkada christmas get-together. we have always held our get-together at the same place for the past seven years. and the fun and laughters we share always stayed the same, just like in the college days.

the meet-up earlier was really fun though we never really got to talk that long. but the laughs were still as hearty as ever. we talked about the upcoming wedding of one barkada member who is working as a nurse in new zealand right now. she will have her wedding here in davao next year. the girls are excited to see the husband-to-be as, admittedly, he’s yummy and quite a catch. and that will be great opportunity for the whole barkada to see each other again.

of course, there’s always the usual sharing of updates of former classmates and how they have drastically changed since college. in short, chismiss. the highlight was our headstrong and very, let's just say, religious girl classmate who’s now a self-proclaimed kept-woman of a foreigner entrepreneur and showing off her body in a two-piece bathing suit while basking in the sands of bantayan island in cebu. if there was an award for the most changed person in our batch, then the trophy goes to her. but we reckon that she’s happy. so we think it’s cool.

we also talked about how the change in relationship status in facebook can cause so much frenzy among connections.

a barkada recalled funny anecdotes about how her siblings and father never managed to find out that she was pregnant when she got married.

we reminisced a couple of our college experiences, bloopers and crazy shenanigans.

Indeed, it was a very noisy meet-up. good thing we were the only ones in the place. we were hoping that the rest of the gang was there. but, there’s always a next time.

it is always good to connect again with the people that hold a very special place in your heart. the barkada went through a lot of experiences together. a lot of laughters, a couple of shared tears and even arguments. but, we’ve managed still to stick together no matter what. we have always been there for each other. i’m just glad to have met my barkada. all of them. despite and inspite of their flaws.

they were, are and will always be my barkada. my friends.

corny as it may sound :”>

lip-lock

“Kissing is like real estate. The most important thing is location, location, location.” – Anonymous
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i’ve been wearing braces for a couple of years now. i’m quite glad that tomorrow the upper braces will finally be removed. just in time for an important event on Monday. i’ll have a much more confident smile by then.

and speaking of braces, i remember a friend asked me once:

“hindi ba mahirap mag-kiss with braces?”

to which i replied:

“uhm... hindi. lips naman kasi ginagamit for kissing hindi ngipin.”

=D

topsy turvy

"I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy." - Steven Wright
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it has been more frequent than before.

in stillness, out of the blue, everything seems to be in motion.

circling. dancing. spinning. turning.

sometimes, it feels like everything just zooms in, and then suddenly zooms out.

there is a fear of suddenly falling or stumbling.

very disorienting.

light-headedness envelops.

grabbing on to something, closing the eyes and trying to stay perfectly at rest helps.

but sometimes, even with shut eyes, darkness swirls.

the feeling of unsettling consumes the body.

all it takes is a minute or two, when everything around you seems to be in frenzy and in motion.

when all the while you are staying perfectly still, steady and motionless.

distressing and unnerving.

nauseating to a point.

the feeling of calmness wraps the body as soon as the spinning sensation stops.

relieved. stillness is once again relished.


having vertigo is something i will never get the hang of. ever.

masklophobia

"I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror." - Richard Lewis
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it was quite a hectic week for me. office work and school papers pretty much occupied my schedule this week. good thing school’s over last saturday, a huge burden has been lifted off my mind. at least, for the next few months i’ll concentrate on just working.

i had the usual sunday activity with the family. church in the morning then lunch at the mall. after lunch, we did some mall strolling. while going down the escalator, i noticed that jollibee and his fellow mascots were at the mall’s atrium with people taking pictures with them.

you see, i have never been a fan of mascots. in fact, i’m quite scared of those giant things. i always try to get away as much as possible from them. the thought of them approaching me while people are staring is just too much for me. the sheer embarrassment. plus, i’ve always been afraid that they might lose their balance or trip and fall over me. yeah, they might look cute and all, but you never know who’s lurking inside those costumes. a stalker maybe. a deranged person. or worst, a psychotic ex-convict. thinking about it is just paranoia to the maximum level for me.

and don’t get me started with those live santa claus and santa girls that pop out during christmas. their dance moves just give me the creeps. and why do they have to stand at mall entrances?! i literally have to hold my breath whenever i pass by them. good thing they only come out during December.

i’m just blabbering here. i just don’t have anything decent to write. i think i squeezed out the last remaining brain juice that i have yesterday when i had to finish two assignments and a term paper for school. i think that’s what you get from procrastinating too much.

take me

“Actually, there's nothing like being a mermaid. You get to swim in the open sea all day, explore endless wonders, it's... it's pure freedom.” – Mylie (Charmed, A Witch’s Tail)
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when darc said that his new profile picture was taken at one of the resorts in samal island, i suddenly missed going to the beach.

it has been a long while since i had a chance to go to the beach.

i have always felt like i am at my happiest when i am at the beach. just being in the water, gives me a certain pleasure and enjoyment.

the feel of the sand on my feet. the warmth of the sun. the summer breeze. the feel of the warm waters on my skin. such sheer bliss.

it does not matter if i turn red and burn my skin after a whole day of swimming. i don’t care. i just love being in the water.

and i don’t content myself in just staying in the shorelines. i go far and explore the depths of the ocean. the beauty of what lies beneath the water is truly wonderful.

writing this posting takes me back to two of the most wonderful beaches i’ve been to. kanibad in samal island and that little island across mati, davao oriental. i’d love to go back there again sometime.

or maybe, explore new ones. little boracay in sta. maria, davao del sur sounds intruiging. or the white sand beaches in saranggani province seems inviting. just a couple hours ride away from the city. or, camiguin. always wanted to go there!

so, i’m taking cue from what darc said. beach tayo! =)

sucky week

"I would sum up my fear about the future in one word: boring. And that's my one fear: that everything has happened; nothing exciting or new or interesting is ever going to happen again... the future is just going to be a vast, conforming suburb of the soul." - J. G. Ballard
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this week just really sucks.

i thought i will be having a great week but i don’t think it will be. i started the week feeling something exciting will happen but i think nothing will ever happen.

i have not had a good night’s sleep since last week. and i think my body clock is just going haywire. i still sleep at my usual sleeptime but i could no longer wake up at the right time.

last tuesday, i had the flu but still decided to report to the office. everything was a blur that day. i clocked out of the office earlier than usual. it pays to be the boss sometimes. little privileges such as leaving the office early is really handy in times like this.

i went home early and practically slept the entire late afternoon and evening. i had what seemed like the longest yet the most uncomfortable and most unsatisfying sleep i have ever had. and to add to that, i did not feel any better the next day and still had the flu. but then again, i had to report to work because the bigger boss will be in the office in the afternoon. i just had to be there.

today, i endured a morning meeting, got irritated with a bunch of people who cannot follow even the simplest of instructions, faked genuine smiles and shaked a couple of probably dirty hands.

also, i had a very unsatisfying lunch. pancit palabok and fresh lumpia. unsatisfied, i ate pringles. still not satisfied, i had the staff order pizza for everyone and ate ice cream. but then, i realized what i really wanted to eat was a juicy steak. but instead of going to the resto and satiate my craving, i went home and had tokwa’t baboy for dinner instead.

and, my brain has not been functioning well the past few days. i cannot seem to put together a very good write-up for the bigger boss. and i am not the one who would just simply submit a mediocre work just so as to comply with what is required of me. i’m thinking of scrapping the second draft altogether and just write a new one.

i also realized that school will end next week. i still have to submit three school papers. this is what’s wrong with distance learning and learner based schooling, procrastination just eats you up. everything is inside my head though, it’s just a matter of typing them down. i am so tempted to pay someone to do at least one of my school papers. i have done it once, so why not now? but then, that would amount to cheating. and i’m no cheater =D.

i’m just ranting and rambling here. anyway, i still have three more days before this week ends.

i’ll just have to get things that need to be done. this would mean more time at the coffeeshop facing the laptop. we may never know, maybe something exciting will come up from there.

crazed fanboi

“I give thanks everyday that I've been able to take my craziness and make it work for me.” - Fritz Scholder
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okay, i am just going to be crazed fan here.

i’ve been listening to this guy on youtube for several months now ever since i chanced upon his account last year. i always look forward to his amazing acoustic renditions. a must-hear is his cover of chris brown's forever.

i have developed a sort of admiration for this guy. well, more like, i’m totally in love with him. :”> nothing gets to me more than a guy who sings very well. it helps that this guy is pleasing to the visual senses =) and the dimples, the smile, the eyes, to die for...

if only... if only i would have a chance to say to him: “gabe bondoc, ello!” =)



you don’t know, but
you think you're maybe fallin' for me
dropping so quickly
you’re thinking of just
keeping this to yourself
waiting 'til you
know me better
you are trying
not to tell me
but i know you want to
don’t be scared of what i'll say
so don’t hide it what you’re feeling
you’ll just get tired of
holding it inside your head

you’ve been spending all your time
just thinking about me
you don’t know what to do
i think you’re fallin' for me
you've been waiting all your life
and now you found me
you don’t know what to do
i think you’re fallin' for me


lee, snap out of it. enough! lol

hush

"Of course I have secrets.

Of course I do. Everyone has a few secrets. It’s completely normal.

I’m not talking about big, earth-shattering secrets. Not the-president-is planning-to-bomb-Japan-and-only-Will-Smith- can-save-the-world type secrets. Just normal, everyday little secrets."

- Sophie Kinsella
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can you keep a secret?

i have always considered myself as a good secret-keeper. especially when being directly told not to spill any of the information that is being shared. maybe that’s the reason why a lot of my friends trust me with their secrets. because i keep them locked in my tiny little box of secrets.

a revelation. a disease. a heartache. a confirmed chismiss. a dissapointment. an embarrassing truth.

just today, a few secrets were once again shared to me. i was a willing ear to my friends’ sentiments and musings.

but sometimes, knowing one’s secret is a heavy burden. though i might not show it, i empathize and carry around the serious worries that they have shared.

On the other hand, the “lighter and more shallow” secrets shared are the very ones that are hard to keep. there have been a couple times that i have been itching and tempted to share some of these to other people, but i thought to just keep them to myself for now and save them for some good blackmailing later (just in case) =D sometimes the anxiety of wanting to share these secrets to other people just kills me.

i also have this knack of knowing and discovering people’s secrets. maybe it’s the stalker in me. or maybe i just have this way of reading people through.

i have discovered a few good juicy secrets, which i’m happy i was able still to keep.

but, of course, i am not perfect and sometimes give in to temptation. there are a couple spilled secrets that i regret sharing to other people. in a way, i have failed and lost the trust and respect of the person who shared their secrets to me.

this part of the blogosphere is like a heaven of secrets. and it’s a wonderful “sight to see” people freely share their most intimate, darkest, even their most shallow and simplest secrets. i love knowing other people’s secrets.

i have a few good secrets myself. and they are plenty. some really shallow, while some are deep and can be downright dirty. but i am not yet ready to share most of them.

not just now.

i reached out

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” – G.K. Chesterton
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i reached out to you.

it was up to you to grab the hand i extended.

but you did not.

i guess that’s enough closure... for now.

i wish you well and i wish you the best. i hope you are happy, my friend.

thank you.

it begins today!

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." – Jawaharlal Nehru
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everything has been planned out.

all is set.

itinerary and meet-ups with the relatives has been carefully mapped out.

looking forward to seeing them for the first time.

anticipating challenges ahead in exploring the different parts of the metro.

thrilled for the possibilities that may come.

all in all. excited!

let the adventure begin!


but, i will surely miss this space for the next few days.

bothered and confused

"To give vent now and then to his feelings, whether of pleasure or discontent, is a great ease to a man's heart." - Francesco Guicciardini
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just when you think you seem to have moved on and gotten over some feelings, memories of the past just keep on crawling back in.

you were the last thing my heart expected. we both did not expect things to have happened.

the moments spent with you was my happiest. you made me smile even more. friends and the family noticed that change in me.

i miss those times. your sweetness still lingers in my heart and in my memory.

i miss your touch. i miss your akbay. eventhough it was a bit uncomfortable at first when you did it in public. but i liked it.

i miss you taking care of me.

i miss your being seloso for no apparent reason.

i miss the non-sense conversations that we had. i was never much of a talker, but for some reason, i did not have any hard time opening up to you.

i miss your embrace. i miss your kiss.

i miss you.

we both wanted things to work out perfectly between us. unfortunately, it didn’t. you had to go back to manila. you were only here to do research for your thesis.

ours was an LDR and it was difficult. but we wanted to continue what we have started.

you said you wanted to keep all communications line open. we both did just that, all lines were opened. but, unfortunately for you, you missed out on the communication part. and ironically, you were the one who wanted to keep everything open.

i tried to be the understanding SO, knowing that you’re pressured with your thesis and at the same time with work.

i only got word from you when you needed my help for your project. but still, i helped you out.

i remember the day when i went with you to the airport. when you said the words i love you, i never had a hard time saying the same three words back to you. i guess you only meant it at that moment. for me, it wasn’t just at that moment, it was meant to be forever.

i snapped at you the last time you communicated with me. but i think i had enough reason why. you said you needed help again with your thesis. and i did help you out, only to find out you already finished your paper and were just testing me as to how much i was willing to help you out. why would you test me? don’t you trust me enough? that’s what SOs do, they help each other out when one needs help.

but i swallowed my pride and said sorry. i never got word from you since then.

i guess, it must have been me. maybe it was all my fault. i really do not know now.

everything that has happened left me bothered and confused. what happened? did i do something wrong? i tried reaching out but you didn’t. why?

i had to move on and let go. but still, i miss you.

i did not expect this to happen. this is the last thing that i expected.
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i just had to write this down. with the upcoming vacation to metro manila drawing near, i am strongly considering contacting the ex-SO. not to rekindle any feelings or anything, but to get the answers that i needed. i need closure.

and pathetic as this may sound, i want to be friends with him. or maybe just to say thank you for everything.

ugh! i’ve already decided before that i will not contact him anymore during my visit in manila. but, i’m just so tempted. the logical me says no, but my emotions i think are getting the best of me. i really don’t know what to do.

should i or should i not? arggggh!!!

family affair

"Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Author Unknown
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after six months of being married and trying, finally, a baby is coming our way.

no, it’s not mine. but my younger sister’s.

we got the good news last sunday night when she called up that the pregnancy test was positive. and everyone’s happy about it! my ate excitedly knocked on my and my younger brother’s rooms to announce the good news.

this would mean the first apo for my parents. they have been wanting this for so long and i know that they are really excited about it.

we are hoping and praying that the pregnancy goes well =D

another addition to our family!


on another note, while everyone was preparing for the family pictorial last sunday, my ate teased our brother-in-law that he will still hold the title of being my father’s favorite son-in-law, as my ate announced that she will not be marrying anytime soon. she said that my brother-in-law should take full advantage of this privilege.

as i was listening to their conversation, i kept on thinking to myself “wait ‘til i introduce my future partner, he will BE my father’s best and favorite son-in-law” lol

but then again, that won't happen anytime soon =D

interruption

"Periods of wholesome laziness, after days of energetic effort, will wonderfully tone up the mind and body." - Grenville Kleiser
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instead of writing a speech on the trend of the hospitality industry in our city that my boss needs to deliver tomorrow, i am here writing this entry. it seems that no “senseful” thoughts are coming out of my brain.

i am just not in the mood to work today. come to think of it, i haven’t been in the mood since monday.

the leather sofa in my office seems so inviting everytime i look at it.

and i am blaming my laziness to:

1. the bed-weather. the weather has been very gloomy and cold since last week. but i like it though, makes me think of my bed. my very very cold bed =)

2. thinking of the upcoming vacation. 11 days to go =)

3. thinking of a friend’s birthday celebration tomorrow night. food, booze and good company =)

4. the slight headache because of stress in attending numerous clients and guests yesterday.

5. and lastly, my office table was moved a couple of inches last saturday. it’s no longer in the position that i want and have been used to. and what’s frustrating, i can’t seem to align it back to its original position (anxiety attack here). the flow of energy is just not the same. ugh! OC!

oh well, back to speech writing mode.

lonesome =)

"He who does not get fun and enjoyment out of every day... needs to reorganize his life." - George M. Adams
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in two weeks time, i’ll be having my first adventure for 2010.

i will go on a grand vacation of some sort. i needed to do this before march comes or else i might not be able to have a vacation this year. work will be rigorous come march and we are expecting more work by july. last year, i was so stuck here in davao because of work – in the name of service.

a week of total relaxation, enjoyment and fun is what i need. no work to bother me (i hope. i'm keeping my fingers crossed here).

i promised myself this year to do something spontaneous. so, 2 weeks ago i booked myself a flight to metro manila. all by my lonesome. =)

this will be a first for me to travel to metro manila on my own. the last that i went there was with my family when i was still, i think, in grade 5. so, that was a very very very long time ago.

i already planned of this trip last november with the plan of meeting up with the then-SO and spend some quality time together. but due to unforeseen circumstance, the plan has changed.

So i’ll be embarking on this adventure by myself. it’s cool though.

i’ll be hopping from one relative to another. this will be my first time to reconnect with them, as i’m the only one among my siblings who have not met them.

i’m really excited for the trip. i can’t wait. i don’t know what awaits me when i get there. i still don’t even know where i will be staying for 6 days.

but i will have everything planned out. places to visit. relatives to meet. friends to reconnect with. or i might even be lucky to meet someone new ;)

i think this will be fun. i know that metro manila is way more fast-paced than the laid-back environment that i am so used to here in davao.

but, i’m so super excited! can’t wait. =)

smitten

"Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you." – Anonymous
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i never really took notice of her when i interviewed her last week.

our office needed to fill a position urgently and luckily she perfectly fits the qualifications we were looking for. she’s a new office recruit and started working just this monday.

while we were having our lunch last tuesday, i was eating at a table of one of my staffers and she was sharing a table with another staffer, i caught myself staring at her.

i was examining how lovely her face is. very simple. very angelic. and i must admit, i was smitten by her.

good thing i snapped out of it before she noticed me staring at her.

suddenly, i just realized that she looked a lot like a classmate i once courted way back when i was in college. unfortunately, that classmate and i never got to be an item as i did not push through with the courting. that was the time when i was strongly questioning my sexuality. but i’m confident had i pursued her, there would have been a great chance that she would have said yes to me. nonetheless, we remained really good friends.

up until now, i still sometimes think what if i had pursued her, my life would have been totally different. come to think of it, she was the only girl that i’ve imagined being married to and have a children with. but i guess, it is better that i did not pursue her.

she was the last girl that i was totally in to. up until ms. new office recruit came in.

everyday i have been finding reasons for me to call her in my office. i just can’t stop adoring her lovely face. and my heart skips a happier beat everytime i hear her voice. haaayyyy :”>

she’s one of the reasons why i want to wake up in the morning and report to work to.

anyway, i think this is just a phase that i will get over with in time. This is just an admiration, plain and simple admiration. a crush.

good thing she has a boyfriend.

this got me thinking. i want to meet her boyfriend. ;)

i once lurked

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
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i did some major bloghopping yesterday.

i back read entries of blogs that i follow and browsed through on ones that i have just chanced upon.

somehow, it just dawned to me. it’s amazing how diverse people’s experiences, thoughts and ideas are. but at the same, how similar. all in all, i learned from each of the entries that they have posted.

i realized how boring my life has been. my life experiences have never been close to as exciting as the experiences of people that i’ve read. this got me thinking, why not live a more spontaneous life this year?

i was once just a “lurker” in the blog world. i silently read people’s entries. eavesdropped on their private conversations. smiled at their good times. and at times, even cringed on their twisted thoughts. but i was just that, i lurked and i was silent.

i have witnessed blogs being shut down. some temporarily took a blog leave and came back with better stories to tell. but most of the blogs i’ve followed, and i’m glad, have continued to share their experiences. i never missed a day without checking on their blog updates.

blog reading has been a sort of therapy for me. it’s an escape. i forget the reality that i am in and i place myself in the realities of others. this is actually good for someone who lives a very normal and boring life, like me.

but, i think i found a better therapy in writing. i have been writing about too much technical stuff that i have forgotten how to write from the heart. the very few entries that i have posted here have made me feel better. though they might not be as amazing as other bloggers’, but at least i’d get to finally share to others my thoughts, ideas and experiences. and it feels good to know that, for a change, other people will be reading, eavesdropping, smiling and, yes, even cringe on my thoughts. and as simple as my thoughts are, at least i’d get to impart to others my opinion.

there are just too much boxed random thoughts in my head, that i just need to write them down to make room for more random thoughts.

one improtant thing though that made me want to write more is knowing that i’d get a chance to connect with new people who will share or disagree with my ideals and experiences. and i think i need that. exciting people who will perk up my seemingly normal life, even just in the blogosphere. :)