bleeding love

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” – Chili Davis


i am trying to find the right words

to say how grateful i am

for family and friends

who i consider my blessings

share and become part of my life.


thank you for your love and care.

=)


and to you,

i’ve said this to you last night

that you made my day yesterday

extra special.

truly, i am blessed to have

someone like you

who loves me

with all his heart.


again, thank you :)

/ˈeɪttiːn/

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. – John Barrymore
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i may not have found my ideal man.

but that doesn’t really matter.

because i found the right man,

you.


happy 18 months!

mwah! hihihihi

=)


i had a feeling that you're holding my heart
and i know that it is true
you wouldn't let it be broken apart
'cause it's much too dear to you

when the night comes and i'm deep in your arms
how i feel so much more secure
you wouldn't let me close my eyes
so i can see you through and through

you're a sweet tender lover
we are so much in love
i'm not afraid when you're far away
just give me a smile in your heart

- a smile in your heart

smiling aparador

“I base most of my fashion sense on what doesn't itch.” – Gilda Radner
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for the past months, i’ve felt a bit sloppy. i haven’t been my usual self in terms of dressing up.

people used to notice how well dressed i am. no, i’m really not a fashion-savvy person. i don’t wear the trendiest of clothes or the latest in fashion. but people always compliment me with the outfits that i wear and how well i carry myself. and lately, i haven’t gotten any of that.

plus, i haven’t updated my wardrobe for more than a year now. my latest buys were mostly plain t-shirts, which of course, i cannot wear at the office. just imagine how kupas my so little available wardrobe is.

and for weeks, i have been itching to buy new clothes to the point that i’m having anxiety attacks. lol.

so last sunday, i shopped like crazy (with my mom in tow :D). i think i bought a whole week’s worth of new outfits. though my pocket is quite sad, but my aparador is, i’m sure, very happy.

i’m really pleased with the purchases i’ve made. i was able to buy:

- a gray pants (for the first time)
- a black-on-black pinstripe pants
- a pinstripe, maroon short-sleeved polo
- a striped brown long-sleeved polo
- a striped navy blue long-sleeved polo
- a muted gray long-sleeved polo
- a gray long-sleeved shirt
- 2 pairs of sneakers (which i was able to buy for the price of 1. so happy!)
- 3 undies :D

and on the next payday, i will buy me some more. hahahaha. maybe i’ll buy a new pair of dark denim jeans and maybe some more long-sleeved polo. i will be sticking to the basics (as suggested by my partner).

oh! also, maybe a new pair of leather shoes. excited. lol.

and yes, everything i’m wearing today is new. down to the underwear. hahaha

rocketeer

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’” – Winnie-the-Pooh
---------------------------------------------------------------

on july 4th, 1983

a baby boy was born.

who would turn out to be

a man with an endearing personality,

a man with wisdom beyond his age,

a man with such a genuine heart.


and today he turns a year older.


to a wonderful man...

geek, a happy happy birthday to you!

:)

happy nugget

“I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.” – Shel Silverstein
----------------------------------------------------------------------

i could clearly remember it.

it was a june afternoon.

as i exited the airport doors with my trolley in one hand and 2 boxes of krispy kreme on the other.

you were there.

standing

waiting for me.

wearing a red shirt, slim jeans, white sneakers

and that wide smile on your face.


that was the first time i saw you.


and remembering that really brings a smile to my face.

just one the many happy memories of you.

that i hold dear to my heart.

:)

knots

"We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It's called love." – Gene Perret
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“sir, kayo po ang groom?”

one of the attendants at the bridal store asked me.

“uhm, no” i answered sheepishly.

but what i really wanted to say was, “excuse me, ako ang proxy. proxy ng groom. pero pwede ring proxy ng bride.”



close friend will get married this july. she looked radiant when she tried on her gown (again. for the nth time :D). and paired with her four-inch purple stilettos. aaaahhhh stunning.

convo meal

“May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten” – Irish Proverb
---------------------------------------------------------------

earlier today, i was browsing through the chat archives of my ym. i have this habit of reading old ym conversations i had with friends. i usually laugh at the things that i say and stuff that my friends and i talk about. it's really fun to look back and reminisce.

then, i stumbled upon the chat that i had with my ex. it was one of those very few chats that we’ve had on ym. very short conversations actually. nothing really special.

what really caught me was last conversation that we’ve had. it was the conversation three months after the last time i’ve heard from him. i was already starting to move on at that time. but a part of me was still hoping that we could still have another chance of getting back together. in short, i was still holding on.

so, he went online on ym. i summed up the courage to message him and said hi. then, a couple of kumustahan and updating.


lee: it was nice to talk to you again
ex: thanks lee
ex: same here
ex: ingat ka lage ha
lee: yep i am
lee: ikaw din take care of urself always
ex: :)
lee: ei sori nga pala last time ha
ex: saan?
lee: ung last text ko sayo
lee: medyo nagalit kasi ako nun
lee: sori
ex: di ko maalala
ex: wala ka namang nasabi ah
lee: hehehe ok
lee: pero just the same
lee: sorry
lee: akala ko kasi galit ka sakin
ex: wala yun


i really didn’t know why i asked for an apology. maybe at that time i thought that i could be the one to blame why he left me for no reason at all. i guess i felt a bit guilty. after that conversation, i actually felt a whole lot better. i think it was at that moment that i told myself that i have to move on and be over about him.

i love to hold on to memories like a child to a balloon. but sometimes there really is a time to let go and appreciate the freedom that comes along with it.

and then, he made his way through my life again with this incident. lol.

i laugh and i cringe. hahaha.

oh well, i hope he’s doing good right now.

with all sincerity. :)

unexpectedly

“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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well, lee, i guess ur stuck with me now.

and stuck i will gladly be. i will cling on you.

how about i’ll be the one to cling to you? better yet, let’s cling to each other...

i like that idea better. :)

...

My partner once told me this:

remember i told you dati na lucky ang someone na makacatch nimo... :) i am lucky then...

but then, i told him:

i am lucky also because you were there to catch me. so, we're even then. :x

...


you just don’t know how much

you’ve made me

so happy.

thank you!

to us, a happy 1st year.

:)



let's walk the tightrope together
without a safety net...
and when we fall
and we will fall
let's fall...
entwined

- jason reeves (entwined)

bisaya

ug sa dihang mao ni akong nabasahan tong isang adlaw. hapit ko muligid sa salog sa sige'g kinatawa.


CHEEZY LINE OF THE DAY!

boy: miss,manok ka?
girl: ngano man?
boy: lumlumi akong itlog beh!
hahahahah....!
istoryahee!!!


sa makasabot lang lol

exercise

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” – Roald Dahl
---------------------------------------------------------------

it’s been a while since i’ve written anything here. a lot of things have happened during the past months but i just didn’t have the energy to write.

work (and stress) has eaten so much of my time in the office that i barely get a chance to do my usual “intense” bloghopping like before. and when i get home, i just want to plop down on the bed, just laze around and watch the television mindlessly. i just want my brain to be devoid of thinking.

i really missed writing here. this was my exercise. my brain exercise.

and now, i feel like my brain juice is all dried out. i don’t even know if i’m making any sense here. rambling. spewing non-sense.

brain freeze.

ugh! i really need to have a brain work-out.

oh! i met rio dela cruz (that famous marathon coach) yesterday. he’s really cute. he reminds me of my partner.

that’s all. ay thank you.

bow.

roadmap

"Good things happen when you meet strangers." - Yo-Yo Ma
------------------------------------------------------

stage 4: comfortable

being comfortable isn’t necessarily bad. it’s when we could truly be ourselves. but it depends on what you do with that comfort. some use it positively, continue to work at their relationship and grow together. but, others allow it to create distance. and for marissa and i, it made us take each other for granted.

- strangers, again

fell in love with this short film. simple and not pretentious, in my opinion. plus, i'm just a sucker for "sad happy endings". haha



relationships, they say, goes through different stages. however, it is not always linear. there are turns and tons of surprises. and it’s up to the couple how they drive through their journey. different strokes for different folks, so they say. that’s what’s good about relationships. it offers different routes couples can thread on. together.

=)

knock knock! hello???

"An empty book is like an infant's soul, in which anything may be written. It is capable of all things, but containeth nothing. I have a mind to fill this with profitable wonders." - Thomas Traherne
---------------------------------------------------------------

what to write? what to write?

hmmmmm....

i have lots of stories to tell.

but i don’t know how and where to begin.

i’ll just give myself some time.

i know it will come back.

hoping soon.

:)

T_T

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby
--------------------------------------------------------------------

i don’t understand why some people are just so ungrateful.

a simple thank you would have been nice.

but, no. they rant why you have not given them enough.

you extend your hand. but they want to take your arm also.

and take note, not just one arm but two arms.

i’m trying not to let it get to me.

but, it’s just so frustrating.

ugh!

patron

"It's big. Obviously we're a little less star-struck than guys who haven't been here before. It can catch you off-guard at first." - Levon Kendall
------------------------------------------------------------------

okay, so here’s what happened today.

i had lunch with derek. derek ramsay.

i also shook his big, firm hands.

and i was just two seats away from him in a program later that night.


here’s more.


i also saw aljur. aljur abrenica.

we had a close encounter in the rest room.

and he serenaded me later in the same program as the one derek attended.


Pakibaba ang mga kilay.


no, this is not a dream.

this is for reals.


and all i can say is...


mas type ko si aljur!!!

waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh


and as for the possible meeting with pnoy tomorrow?

uhm. no thanks.

i think i’ll pass.

baby-face

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.” – Mark Twain
------------------------------------------------------------

tama bang “pino-po” na kami?!

then, suddenly it hit us. oh my god! we’re old!

nooooooo!!!!!

one was called “mader” when she rode a jeepney once.

another was mistaken for a mother to her younger brother.

i’m sure straight crushie friend has been called “ang-kol” several times.

and one friend is now considered a cougar.

my barkada friends will be turning the big 3-0 this year.

but i refuse to acknowledge that fact.

pwede bah!!! kaka-29 ko lang nung december!!!

umbrella-ella-ella

"I love the rain. I want the feeling of it on my face."- Katherine Mansfield
-----------------------------------------------------------------

i love it when it rains.

the feeling of cold breeze.

the moist air.

the tingling raindrops.

it always brings a smile to my face.

it makes me feel nostalgic.

yet peaceful.

ironic, i know.

there’s just something about rain that makes me think about you.

maybe it’s because we both love the rain.

or maybe it’s because when it rains,

i always imagine you

warming me up

with your tight hugs

and gentle kisses.

but, summer’s here.

and i really miss the rain.

just the same way

as i really miss

you.




1728 - Sukob Na

bunny

"Is it not pleasant to learn with a constant perserverance and application?" - Confucius
--------------------------------------------------------------

i am not chinese.

but i grew up as one.

a lot of people ask me if i am chinese. i always answer them “no, i only studied in a chinese school and i only look like one”. and i always get a somewhat surprised reaction.

for the 12 years of my school life before college, i was in a crowd full of chinese kids. i was one of the very few students who is not chinese. and being in that kind of environment i think made me the person that i am today. i can’t pin-point exactly, but there times when i say to myself that i am acting too chinese.

i remember every time our school celebrates its foundation day, i always pray that i’d be pick to participate in one of those chinese dances. i’ve always wanted to do that martial arts dance, the one with the giant fan. but i was never picked. i only got to do those chinese speech choirs. Most of which i don’t even care to understand.

up until now, there are still chinese songs that i have memorized, well mostly. I smile everytime i remember our chinese graduation song in high school.

peng you i sheng i chi chou. na she reh chr poo tsay you. lol

too bad, i took for granted all the chinese lessons that i had. i can understand the language but i could never really speak it fluently.

i visited my alma mater during the chinese new year’s eve to witness their celebration. and it brought back fond memories. memories of learning. memories of friendships. memories of growing up.

and i miss those times.

i am not chinese.

but i love that i grew up as one.

oh! and i can only multiply numbers in chinese! =D

part-time tenant

“A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss. But of all pains, the greatest pain it is to love, but love in vain." - Abraham Cowley
-------------------------------------------------------------------

it all started with the teasing.

which turned into sweet affection.

and then, he says he’s going crazy.

to the point that he is willing to

settle to share just a part of someone’s committed heart.

and he knows this,

that the love he is willing to give

will only be

unrequited.

droplets

"Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water." - Antoine Rivarol
--------------------------------------------------------------------

i cry because,

for the most part of the day,

i have to use my head,

be logical, and put up

a strong facade.


always.


and, it is only with you

that i’d get to feel,

be emotional,

and just pour

my heart’s

out.

threesome

“Three is a charm. Two is not the same. I don't see the harm. So are you game? – Britney Spears (3)”
-------------------------------------------------------------

it has always been the three of us. well, not really always. most of time.

that was how we were in college – me, close friend and straight crushie friend. one was never without the other two. in the school library, the cafeteria, the gazebo and just about anywhere else. eventhough the three of us had different personalities, those times really bonded us together. after college, though we didn’t get to see each other regularly, we talk and laugh as if we still see each other everyday. that’s how we are until now.

last monday, we went out for a dinner and movie date. just the three of us.

but here’s the scenario:


straight crushie friend confessed to me that he has had a sort of affection for close friend since college, but, he was in a relationship at that time.

straight crushie friend is single now.

close friend and i has a huge crush on straight crushie friend since college until now.

close friend was single then but is in a relationship right now.

straight crushie friend and close friend mutually likes each other without the other knowing it.

in short, i am nowhere in this scenario. lol.


anyway, when i got home after the “date”, straight crushie friend said that he thought it was just him and close friend who was going out. i jokingly told him that had i known he thought of this, i wouldn’t have come and joined them. i have always felt that since college there was a sort of strong tension or chemistry between them two. and honestly, i felt a little bit of jealousy.

and then, he said something that touched me in a way.


“lee, sa atin, 3 is never a crowd... :)”

tsk tsk

“Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best.” - Harold W. Dodds
-------------------------------------------------------------------

i woke up with insecurity lingering in my system.

it breeds inside of me.





you don't have to feel like a waste of space
you're original, cannot be replaced
if you only knew what the future holds
after a hurricane, comes a rainbow

- katy perry (firework)

the time of my life

“Nobody can be un-cheered with a Balloon” – Winnie the Pooh
--------------------------------------------------------------------

for giving me life’s simple pleasures

for reminding me how i fell in love with you

for the inspirations that came from that simple-minded bear

for rekindling my childhood love for bikes and books

indeed, you are THE iceman of my life

and don’t worry, i’ll be YOUR iceman also =)

because just like what you said,

every second, every minute, every hour, you are loved all the time.

the past six blissful days i’ve spend with you, i saw how much you are loved by your friends, by your family.

and i thank you for allowing me to see that and for the opportunity to experience it with you.

though our little rendezvous may not have ended perfectly,

it ended right

with my arms wrapped around your body

as we slept through the night

knowing that the next day

and in the following days to come

i will still have you

to love

=)