little one

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” – Rajneesh
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last september 23, my younger sister gave birth to a very healthy baby girl. at 6 lbs. 13 oz., little baby gc is just a bundle of joy. her chubby cheeks, smooth skin and almond eyes are so irresistible.

she would be the very first-born on both sides of the family. so, you can just imagine the excitement of everyone. the lolas. the lolo. the titos and the titas.

her coming in to the world brought sheer happiness to everyone in the family, especially to my sister and her husband.

and it was really fun to see this one-week old baby unassumingly pose when i excitedly took pictures of her. a little smirk. a very serious look. a little twinkle in her eyes. a cute pout. i then thought to myself, "now this a little model in the making." when she’s older, i’d better teach her how to smize infront of the camera ;)

while she was sleeping, my younger sister shared a casual conversation between my friend, my mom and older sister. i was so engrossed with the sight of my niece sleeping that i never really paid much attention to what they were talking about. but, she said something that really caught my attention.

“ganun pala noh kapag nanganganak ka. while in the process, naiisip ko si mama and thought na ‘naku! inaaway-away ko si mama. pero ganito pala ang hirap na dinanaan niya nung ipinanganako niya ako’. i realize now the ordeal that mama went through for me.”

she said this with a proud smile on her face.

and i’m sure mama had a bigger and prouder smile on her face when my younger sister said that.

then, mama shared the very exact quote i’ve posted above. :)

zip

“An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind.” - Walter Bagehot
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maybe sometimes

i should learn

to switch off

the inquisitive in me

and just

shut

my

effin’

mouth

up.

hello birdie

“Virginity is a bubble in the froth of life - one prick and it's gone” - Anonymous
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i have this friend.

the barkada has been egging her to confess.

apparently, she’s still a virgin she says.

because that’s what she is telling us, so ok, i “believe” her.

just a week ago, she said that her boyfriend will now be leaving for canada to work.

and so, i kidded her.

“so, ibibigay mo na ba ang bandera mo sa kanya?”

of which she did not answer.

“o cge ganito na lang, nakita mo na ba dingdong nya?”

the answer that i got was that she got to see someone else’s accidentally. and besides, “it’s all the same”, she said.

of course, i reacted. “oh no dear! it comes in different shapes and sizes.”

and then, she just laughed and became silent.

to break the silence, i said, “gusto mo ako na lang tumingin for you?”


and have i mentioned that her boyfriend’s got big hands?

;)

the plan

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.” – Donald Miller
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i had everything planned.

i was to treat them to dinner. good food, light conversations and enjoy each other’s company.

then after, go somewhere intimate and quiet where we could continue talking just about anything. and slowly segue the very purpose of my invite.

i’ve rehearsed what i was supposed to say. i had everything carefully scripted. prepared answers to questions that might come up. even had lies prepared just in case there are certain questions that i might not yet be ready to reveal.

i was about to strip myself down and be true to two of my close friends.

so, why all this preparation?

i guess the very simple answer is, i had to do it. i needed to do it. i feel like if i don’t tell anyone, i might just burst and go crazy. i felt like that the emotion was eating me up. for quite a long time, i kept how i really feel to myself. but there came a point where i had to have an outlet. to just be me. to be free.

the plan was not all that perfect. it went through a couple of postponements. but, it happened all at the right time.

and i am glad i did. i came out.

first, to myself. then, to two friends i’ve considered very close to. to my co-workers and colleagues. to other PLUs (most of whom i’ve been able to get to know here). and to a few more friends.

it was a whole new discovery. i’ve become closer to my friends. uotten to know wonderful people. uncovered a whole new me.

and right now, i am preparing myself once again.

for the most important plan.

for my family.

soon.

point blank

“Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it." - Kathleen Casey Theisen
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lately, i have caught myself fondly saying “che” among close friends. all thanks to kuya darc. :p

a very close friend of mine noticed this and asked me not do it because she is not used to hearing me say something “gay”. all in a nice way, of course. it’s what keeps me different, she said.

suddenly, i remembered an im conversation we had a couple months back.

i remember asking her how she would feel if i’ll introduce my would-be-boyfriend (and at that time imaginary) to her. i’ve noticed that she somehow feels uneasy whenever i start up a conversation that pertains to me being gay.

all she said was she would be really happy for me but it would not be something she would be totally comfortable with. because “... it’s not within my values and morals...”.

that made me really sad. i never expected to hear that from her. but in all fairness to her, i admire her honesty. it made me appreciate her more as my friend.

i’m just hoping that someday when i ask her the same question again, it will be the answer that i would love to hear.

message to the magicians

“A sly rogue is often in good dress” – Anonymous
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how dare you?!

how dare you belittle me.

i may be meek and quiet but i am not dumb as you may think i am.

i may look naive and innocent.

but believe me, i know a lot.

just you wait.

this silent volcano will spew burning lava that will scald you down!

don’t you underestimate me.

i am observing.

i am thinking.

i am plotting.

silently.

like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

the twin pt. 2

“Soulmates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.” – Author Unknown
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and i always thank the heavens

that we found each other.

:)


“i’m so glad i found you
i love being around you
you make it easy
it’s as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
there’s only one thing to do
three words
for you”

-1234 (plain white t's)