foodie

“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” — Virginia Woolf
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i am an emotional eater.

i eat when i’m happy, sad, depressed, stressed out, excited, bored or angry. to sum it up, i just eat. =) good thing i don’t get fat easily. fast metabolism, probably.

nothing beats a plain mcdo sundae to cool down the pressure from work. or the sweetness from a gooey brownie to soothe an aching heart. or even just nibbling on some cornicks to keep you busy on a very lazy day. or sipping a nice and warm sinigang on a happy, rainy sunday evening. aaaahhhh, the sheer bliss. =D

at the office, my staff would instinctively know when i’m furious. and they get all excited and happy whenever this happens. because they know that they’d be able to have and enjoy a good merienda with my fix of some good-ole mouth and tummy therapy to calm me down. also, my office drawer is never without any knick-knacks. i always have a secret stash of munching delight as my emergency relief.

i used to have a stock of oreo and chocolate chip cookies inside my room. i munch one of each cookie while watching a favourite television show. but, i had to cut down on that. family history of that “too much sweets” disease.

just yesterday evening, i had another food session with friends to soothe, let’s just say, a sad and guilty heart. a serving of seafoods pasta and two slices of seafoods pizza. i didn’t even care that i ate a lot considering it’s the holy week and the need to fast and all. i just wanted to eat.

a friend was quite impressed at how i’m still able to eat that much food at such a depressed state. but what can i say, food is my best friend during this kind of time. eating has always been a coping mechanism for me. an upper, mostly.

but, bingeing and stuffing myself with food is just a temporary fix.

having to talk to YOU was far better. truly, thank you.

thinking thoughts

"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" - Winnie the Pooh
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i know i shouldn’t.

but i am doing it again.

i am overthinking. way too much.

i try to make solutions on problems that have not even come up yet. i think so much of what will happen, how it will affect me and the people i am close to.

a friend told me to let loose and be spontaneous again. traits that i have missed for such a long time now. i think i need to be reintroduced to them once again.

this goes to show that i have indeed changed. gone are the days of being carefree. i now have build walls and guard myself so much that i tend to forget to enjoy the pleasure of being in the present. Being in the “NOW”.

though i can say that i am happy right now. very much happy actually. but i worry how long this happiness will last. i worry about the circumstances that will cut short this happiness that i am experiencing now. i worry about the decisions that i will have to make and point me on the direction in keeping this happy feeling going. i worry about hurting myself. hurting other people. and to think, i have always considered myself an optimistic person. and here i am, worrying about practically (and technically) nothing.

i think about the “what ifs?” and all the possible outcomes. i try to think of all the scenarios that may happen and how i can make things better. and to think, this is just all in my mind. i am deliberating... all by myself.

decisions. decisions. decisions.

here i go again, overthinking.

para sa kaugmaon

nanghinaot nga unta makab-ot ang ginahandum.

aron mapadayon ang pag-uswag alang sa kaayuhan sa tanan.

kay karon na ang sinugdanan.

breather

"I never got tired of Tom and Jerry, but I did have a dream of doing more with my life than making cartoons".- Joseph Barbera
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over the weekend, i realized i am at the wrong job.

ironically, i came upon this realization when a couple of work friends and i are enjoying ourselves in the beach.

for the past two years, i have been working for someone.

i have lost my identity. i am merely a shadow of the person i am working for. i feel like i no longer exist. everything i do will always be in consideration for my boss. my accomplishments and achievements is credited to her. my failures would mean a poor reflection on her. everything will be about her and will never be about me.

i’m not ungrateful of the opportunity to be working for my boss. in fact i am extremely honored to be working for someone who has a great vision and a pure heart. i have grown and matured so much since i have started working for her.

i have never really imagined doing what i am doing right now. up until now, i could not believe that i was chosen to do this job. there are other better and competent people out there who could do my job better than i do.

but, i must have done something right and must be doing good that i am entrusted with such great responsibility. and i have always felt that my boss has so much confidence in me.

everyday, i am bombarded with issues, concerns and problems of other people. i can no longer bear the pain, and sometimes frustration, at seeing people cry in front of you, not knowing whether they are genuine or not. i am tired of carrying other people’s burden.

i think i am close to mastering the art of judging other people’s character. it is a must in this field of work. manipulation and deceit are an everyday game that a lot of people i encounter with play.

work is easy actually, if you think of it. it is just a matter of doing it right. but in my line of work, it is never easy. there is so much to consider. there are people who will put you down. not just within the workplace. even the people who you arere trying to help and have helped. there are a lot of ungrateful people. the moment you do not heed their requests, they turn their backs on you. and, this i cannot take at an almost everyday basis. this makes work so much stressful even if it is easy.

it is easy to say to quit the job. but it is not. i have grown to love my boss because i truly believe in her and what she can do. this makes thinking of quitting so much harder.

i guess, i just need to hold on then. i might just be overwhelmed right now with everything that is happening.

i just have to remember the good things that we have done and the joy that we have brought to the lives of people that we have helped out.

and this will be enough to keep me going...

...for the moment.

on being missed

"You will be as much value to others as you have been to yourself." – Marco T. Cicero
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it has been a while since i have felt this way.

you put a smile on my face when you said you missed me.

it made me feel important. that i am worth someone’s attention.

indeed, it was a sweet gesture.

as i told you, i’ve always felt that i’m a very forgettable person. people just don't remember me, they forget about me. but right now, you made me feel otherwise.

sincerely, thank you for making me feel this way once again.

and yes, i missed you too.

new people

“I want to keep meeting new people, enlarging my circle of friends. I have great friends now... really good people. But I'm always ready for what comes next.” – Paula Danziger
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thank god for new friends.

i made an effort to reach out. there were some slight hesitations and very careful thinking. but, it was all worth it.

it’s nice to get to know the people behind the posts that i read everyday. though still it’s virtual, at least there’s more interaction.

i have always told myself last year that i needed new people in my life. it’s not that i’m not grateful with the friends that i have. but sometimes, connecting with new people renews and refreshes oneself. You get to expand your beliefs, notions and impressions on a lot of things. for me, new people adds more life to life.

it’s a nice feeling really.

and the new friends made me feel that.

though there are a couple that i added up but haven’t had the chance to talk to yet. bear with me, i’m still summing up my courage and make the first move. i am never really good at making introductions.

and thank you to the new friends who opened up and welcomed me. it is a pleasure knowing you. and i am hoping to get to know you more.

to say, i am glad that i made that bold move of saying “hello :)” and offer my hand for friendship.

time well-spent

"A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be." – Douglas Pagels
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earlier, i met up with some of my college barkadas. after months of not being able to talk or to connect with them in any way, i was glad to see them again.

originally, only three of them planned of seeing each other. but, one barkada saw another barkada so she invited her. while i was invited by another barkada. so, it was five of us in a new and small pizza house somewhere downtown.

we used to be a big group. around ten plus the adopted barkada members. most are girls with only three guys in the group (which includes me =D).

but, after college, we lived different lives. some got relocated because of work. some met new people. and one specific barkada member just simply got lost of our radar. but, we have managed to meet each other at least once a year during our traditional barkada christmas get-together. we have always held our get-together at the same place for the past seven years. and the fun and laughters we share always stayed the same, just like in the college days.

the meet-up earlier was really fun though we never really got to talk that long. but the laughs were still as hearty as ever. we talked about the upcoming wedding of one barkada member who is working as a nurse in new zealand right now. she will have her wedding here in davao next year. the girls are excited to see the husband-to-be as, admittedly, he’s yummy and quite a catch. and that will be great opportunity for the whole barkada to see each other again.

of course, there’s always the usual sharing of updates of former classmates and how they have drastically changed since college. in short, chismiss. the highlight was our headstrong and very, let's just say, religious girl classmate who’s now a self-proclaimed kept-woman of a foreigner entrepreneur and showing off her body in a two-piece bathing suit while basking in the sands of bantayan island in cebu. if there was an award for the most changed person in our batch, then the trophy goes to her. but we reckon that she’s happy. so we think it’s cool.

we also talked about how the change in relationship status in facebook can cause so much frenzy among connections.

a barkada recalled funny anecdotes about how her siblings and father never managed to find out that she was pregnant when she got married.

we reminisced a couple of our college experiences, bloopers and crazy shenanigans.

Indeed, it was a very noisy meet-up. good thing we were the only ones in the place. we were hoping that the rest of the gang was there. but, there’s always a next time.

it is always good to connect again with the people that hold a very special place in your heart. the barkada went through a lot of experiences together. a lot of laughters, a couple of shared tears and even arguments. but, we’ve managed still to stick together no matter what. we have always been there for each other. i’m just glad to have met my barkada. all of them. despite and inspite of their flaws.

they were, are and will always be my barkada. my friends.

corny as it may sound :”>

lip-lock

“Kissing is like real estate. The most important thing is location, location, location.” – Anonymous
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i’ve been wearing braces for a couple of years now. i’m quite glad that tomorrow the upper braces will finally be removed. just in time for an important event on Monday. i’ll have a much more confident smile by then.

and speaking of braces, i remember a friend asked me once:

“hindi ba mahirap mag-kiss with braces?”

to which i replied:

“uhm... hindi. lips naman kasi ginagamit for kissing hindi ngipin.”

=D

topsy turvy

"I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy." - Steven Wright
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it has been more frequent than before.

in stillness, out of the blue, everything seems to be in motion.

circling. dancing. spinning. turning.

sometimes, it feels like everything just zooms in, and then suddenly zooms out.

there is a fear of suddenly falling or stumbling.

very disorienting.

light-headedness envelops.

grabbing on to something, closing the eyes and trying to stay perfectly at rest helps.

but sometimes, even with shut eyes, darkness swirls.

the feeling of unsettling consumes the body.

all it takes is a minute or two, when everything around you seems to be in frenzy and in motion.

when all the while you are staying perfectly still, steady and motionless.

distressing and unnerving.

nauseating to a point.

the feeling of calmness wraps the body as soon as the spinning sensation stops.

relieved. stillness is once again relished.


having vertigo is something i will never get the hang of. ever.