let loose

"Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?" - Greta Garbo
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the longing for someone to hold, for someone to hug in the cold but lonely nights has been creeping in.

but, in the past two nights, you have been my constant companion as i doze off to a restful sleep.

in a bed fit for one, we’ve managed to snug perfectly together.

we lay closely to each other. relishing the silence and stillness of the night.

that warm, cozy feeling i so have missed.

you allowed me to engulf you with my sweet embrace. my soft caress. and even my light kisses.

you let me lie down on your soft yet at the same time firm body as slumber whisks me off to a wonderful dream.

you lay still and allow me to hug you oh so much tighter at times when i wake up in the middle of the night.

and i smile.

as i wake up, never once did you leave by my side. still waiting to be cuddled and held much closer to my body.

again, i smile as i see you still there, so close to me.

and this will be our third night.

for tonight, i will sleep beside as you will also sleep beside me once more.

if only...

if only, you were not some lifeless pillow

that can never hold

and hug me back

ever.

happiness!

"Nobody has the right to wreck your day, let alone your life. And guess what? Nobody does, you do..." - Gary Fenchuk
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for some weird reason, when i woke up this morning i felt really happy. it’s as if everything is in its proper place and order already.

i think i have found my peace. :)

lately, my mind has been really pre-occupied with a lot things.

but, i realized that, yes, things are good. really, really good.

with work, with people around me, and of course with me.

despite stress and work pressure, i caught myself smiling several times today. even giggling at times.

so yeah, i'm just happy for no apparent reason. never felt any better. =D

it has been a while since i have had this kind of feeling.

so this afternoon, i’ll walk to our family’s office with my trusted ipod on my ear and strut the streets to my feel good song on loop.

cue: PATRON TEQUILA!!!

the twin

“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined ... to strengthen each other ... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” - George Eliot
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i will find you as you will also find me. =)


someone is waiting.
someone who understands exactly how you feel.
someone is dreaming.
someone is hoping just that this will be the day
that you take your eyes off the ground out of the blue,
and see that someone is looking right back at you.
i hope that someone's me.

-someone somewhere (jason reeves)

not always the best policy

"There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously." - Thomas Sowell
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honesty, they say, is one of the most esteemed virtues one person may have.

i could say, in more ways, honesty and i have really acquainted quite well. i'd like to believe it is one of my strengths.

but, most definitely, it is also one of my weaknesses.

in the past couple of days, i experienced how honesty can be such a bitch and how just keeping my mouth shut would have been better. my mouth has, for most of the time, blurtted out stuff faster than my brain could say “stop!”.

i regret having told what was in my mind and what was in mt heart. i regret being honest. too honest.

as they say, “certain things are better left unsaid”.

i wish i could have shoved my fist inside my mouth to stop me from blabbering and spilling out what has been bugging me during those times. i wish that i could have thought things through first before opening my mouth. and this is such a big slap on the face for someone who usually overthink things. it’s kind of ironic, actually.

i wear my heart on my sleeves. always. i, more often than not, express what i feel. i can’t stand holding back and not telling. that’s who i am.

i really think maybe i just need to learn to stop, to analyze and to just keep my f@#*ing mouth shut when i have to.

honesty they say is a very admiring virtue. but this time, because of honesty, i got myself in trouble and in pain. because of honesty, i have hurt someone. because of honesty, it got me thinking, overthinking once again, even more. honesty is really not that admirable... at the moment.

i am hoping that, the next time, honesty will be on my side again.

i guess, honesty, you’ll just have to take a back seat... for now.

letters and stuff

"I enjoy the cleaning up - something about the getting of things in order for winter - making the garden secure - a battening down of hatches perhaps... It just feels right." - David Hobson
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a boy can dream...

especially on his birthday

...to be a man with responsibility... so take care of the damn smelly cat!!!

dear lee,

hi! today is a special day for you... ilang taon ka na nga?! 30?! wow!! you don’t look your age... or maybe it’s just the down-aging syndrome?!

seriously now, i wish you all the goodness in this world and a little sprinkler of those nerve wracking phenomenon that life brings – for without those, life would seem to be useless. meaning, i wish you all the best and at the same time i wish you all the shitty crap, so that you may learn life through all its fabulous adventure... just like POOH... you know... that simpleminded-kuno-stupid-pala-bear!

always,
lynn
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i found this self-made birthday greeting card last saturday when i was doing some cleaning in my room. it was given to me by a barkada-friend during my 20th birthday, i think. this really got me smiling. brought back wonderful memories of days that was.

what made me smile even more were the other letters i found given to me by friends from high school and college that i’ve managed to keep. small notes written in special paper. birthday tags. greeting cards. one even written in a 1 x 1 piece of wrapping paper.

just non-sense stuff really. all happy and written with so much youthfulness. but all special =D

i also got to reread letters sent to me by penpals from across the globe. i was a big fan of that penpal service, international youth service (IYS), way back high school. i never got to get in touch with any of them though after a couple of correspondence.

i was trying to look for love letters. but got nothing. which reminds me, love life was non-existent at that time. =D

amazingly, i also found out that i was still able to keep my school IDs since i was in grade 6 'til fourth year high school. the only one missing was my 1st year ID card. why and how i managed to keep them, i don’t know. i literally saw how i changed from a chubby faced little boy to a lanky young man. i realized how siopao i so looked when i was in grade school.

and my one and only college ID (with staples in all four corners to keep it from falling apart) i also got to keep. we’re supposed to surrender it after graduation for us to get our honorable dismissal certificate. but i managed to keep both :D

i also found ballpens that i’ve used during high school and college. an autograph book. an intentionally grammatically-wrong article written by myself and a high school classmate. college papers and articles. journals from all the retreats during college. test papers even. everything carefully organized.

all of these put a smile on my face. it always nice to look back.

i really don’t know why i still keep them.

it will take me a longer time before i’ll be able to let go of these stuff. because throwing these things away would also mean letting go of memories that made me happy before.

so, i think, for now, these will still be kept in a safe place. carefully placed and tucked inside that clear plastic container.

waiting to be read and reminisced once again in the next room cleaning. :)